I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
