Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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