well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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