make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
