Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't put those talents on a resume
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
