took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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