Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize