My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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