I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize