that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
