We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
