I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
