Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
