like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
