the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
