i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
