just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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