I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
