I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
