My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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