I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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