I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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