we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
