if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
