roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
