I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
