his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
