I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
