I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
