You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
