I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
