You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
