Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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