I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize