Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There's even glitter on my cock...
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