Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
