There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
