and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You ruined the universe
My vagina just clenched in fear
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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