I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
