That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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