yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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