The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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