everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
