would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
