friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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