LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
