Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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