the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
