Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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