i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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