have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
