you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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