could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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