i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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