Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
