she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
