3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's always time for handjobs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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