I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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