I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
