then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
