I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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