Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
