Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
there is puke in my bra ... again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
