I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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