Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
