just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
