Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
