I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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