and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
