Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
