why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
