here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
