that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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