you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
