Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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