I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
